Amy Hestir Davis Story Continues
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My teacher said he cared a lot about me; that he loved me; that I was wise beyond my years. He said that no one else could possibly understand the love that we shared, and that if anyone else found out about it, it would destroy it. I thought that I wanted to protect that because I truly believed at the time that, that relationship was the best relationship that I had in my life. What I wanted more than anything at that stage in my life, in Jr High, was an adult to notice that I was struggling with some of my issues, just growing up, and struggling within my family. That I needed some guidance and some extra attention to get through what I was going through. What I ended up with was this very selfish pedophile. He saw me as an easy target with low self esteem and I would be easy to manipulate and easily controlled; and that I would be willing to make sacrifices physically for the attention that he gave me. I became a sexual toy. |
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I can remember, he gave me a pornographic novel. It had a main character in it named “Amy”. When ever I would baby sit over there, prior to consenting to having a full sexual relationship with him, he would tell me to read that book. (sigh)
During that bo… reading that book, I guess, drew out experiences and sensations in my body that were new to me; and that was part of his plan. And he used that book many times to manipulate me into having a further full sexual relationship with him. It seems very sick to me now, but that’s the truth of how that came to be then. I didn’t like realizing that once I established this sexual relationship with a 30 year old man at the age of 13, that a, obviously that was not a healthy, not a good choice and not a choice that a 13 year old is even capable of making for themselves. It was made for me. And I didn’t want to remain in that relationship and I wasn’t sure what to do with it. The last time that I went to see him, I saw him at the Church in July before my freshman year of high school. I didn’t want to be his toy anymore. I just wanted somebody to talk to and somebody to listen to me. He always wanted to have sex with me. All the time. It was the final time that I went to the church that I told him I didn’t want to have the sexual relationship anymore. But he ended up dragging me into a coat closet there in the church. I can still remember the sound of metal coat hangers crashing to the floor. I don’t use metal coat hangers to this day. And I can hear the metal chairs that slid across the floor and the back of my head banging against the tile in the room. I had a swimming suit on and a towel. And he forced himself on me. I can remember the room was pitch black and that I tried to scream and nothing came out. I knew there was people in that building and somebody could have come and helped me, but at the same time, internally I had this fight going on with “but what if they came and found out what I’d done and they knew how evil and bad I was?” |
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I was scared, I was embarrassed, I was ashamed; I didn’t know what would happen to my family. I didn’t know what would happen to his family; So, I didn’t scream. Someone came into that building, he got up off me and quickly went out and I heard him talking to someone that I figured was a coworker or a boss by the conversation. I laid in that room, shaking and crying uncontrollably and made a decision. I got up and put on my swim suit and my towel, got my bike, and rode home. I stood in our shower till the water was cold. I grew up with a family of six, and we had a big water heater and that took a while. I got dressed and I sat at supper again, with my family, as if nothing had ever happened to me. And that’s how I proceeded to live the next several years of my life. As if nothing had ever happened to me. I had problems from that, physically, mentally and emotionally, for a very long time. For some reason I became a bed wetter. I didn’t want to explain why I would just get up very early, change my sheets, wash my sheets, put my sheets back on my bed, what ever I had to do. Because everything to me was reinforcing the choice I had made with my teacher. I see all of this quite differently now. I’m 40. I was 13 and 14. And I guarantee you it’s taken every one of those 26 years in between, to understand how manipulated, how used, and abused that I was by that man. It’s very unfortunate that he remains a teacher to this day. I know that he was investigated again in another town that he worked in, I don’t guess that had an outcome that um got him out of the schools. He’s been through several different towns. It’s a crime that there is nothing I can do to stop him. Except to think about how I can impact the teachers that come into the classroom for my own son who is 10 and the generation that’s out there now. Some of your children. I support this bill 100% and I am not afraid to tell my story even though it brought so much shame on me for so long. For more commentary and a recording of the testimony, please visit http://www.missourinet.com [2] Sources: |
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