i am 14 and my boyfriend is 17 .
we've been dating for awhile now . and im tired of my dad saying he can brake us up . me and him dated before same age difference i was 13 and he was 16 . and he didn't care so much. now that he's 17 and im 14 he cares alot. i tell him me and my boyfriend arn't going to do anything. because im not going to do anything with him . but he still dont believe me . he argues with my mom about it. when my mom agrees with me. i wish my dad would just trust me when i say NOTHING is going happen. my boyfriend doesn't know what my dad is trying to do . because i don't want our relationship to end . is there anyway i can convince my dad?

I'm 15 and i live in Italy, i know this blog it's not aimed for me, but it is for sure aimed towards the personals problems i'm facing.
I've had sex for the first time at 14 with my ex bf and when my parents found out, my dad got quite mad at me but especially indifferent towards me and did not talk to me for some time. Whereas my mom came and talked to me treating me as a young adult and not as a stupid child, trying and wanting to understand how things went and the reasons that brought me to such decision, always keeping a friendly tone (and adding mommy comments obviously). I appreciated so much this effort from her, since i think it might not have been so easy to face-to-face me without getting angry. Now our relationship is much better over arguments like boys, i am able to argue important arguments like sex and feel more confident in sharing ideas and asking for help when i feel lost. It is very important for a teen to have a parent to who she or he knows can rely on and can talk to without being treated like kids, but with respect because any choice that may seem non-sense might actually have a very good reason. If you don't know how can you judge?

I have a 15 yr old daughter and am now letting her make her own decisions without a fight every time. The reason is that I've done all the educating and protecting I could, still she smoked pot and had sex. She sneaked out and went to places that I had no idea about. In our family we did all we could to inform her regarding risky behaviors, I put time in with her and her friends, involved us in activities, made agreements, taught her to look after herself. I thought we were providing a balance of "give and take". But it's definitely become a take take take from her and no "give". I'm concerned about pushing her away, so I continue to communicate with her as much as possible just to let her know that the lines are open and will continue to be, but now when she starts to argue I just respond by telling her that it's her life, it's all within her control, her choices are hers to make, she knows what our expectations are for her education and personal life, and ultimately I cannot be everywhere with her to stop her from behaving in ways I consider unwise. I do let her know my perspective and tell her what I want her to do or expect her to behavior to be, but if she decides something different I've decided that she should learn from her own experiences, and I tell her that there is always an outcome she'll have to live with. Would you put her on "lock down" and risk her making more harmful decisions such as running away.

Being that I am a single mom with a full-time job its really tough for me to keep track of what my teen girls are doing and gives me a lot of anxiety. Especially with the amount of people they come in contact with online it really scares me to think that they could be talking to a bad person! I was completely appalled when I checked my teens interest history and found that she somehow was able to create an account on a dating site! She posted that she was 18 but she is only 16 and when I checked her emails she was getting all sorts of creepy men emailing her and trying to get her to meet them! Make sure to check your teens history!

Ok well, I'm 16. I love my girl and she loves me, however, her parents are insanly religious. And they don't allow her to date, but we habe been seeing eachother for a few months, and known each other for 7 years. I love her, we kiss, hold hands, hug and she has me hold her to sleep. Occassionally it can get slightly sexual, and we haven't acutally made love yet. I've been wait untill she was 16, but I don't think she wants to wait. So. If her and I do "it" will (or can) I be arrested, and or charged with rape or stautatory?

Need help soon.
Teen lover

wtf are you talking about?,there is no such thing as unprotected sex(or at least thats what our sex ed teach says at school)cause' you can still catch an std or get pregnant even if you're using condoms AND birth control,i cant believe i wasted 10 mins of my life reading this,youre all so controversal,fact is even though you want to(which i understnd)you cant control anyone,teen or not(if you try to control your child theyll grow up being someone theyre not and have trouble making their own decisions,plus its probably a lot harder to fix adult mistakes in court lol).i thought i would look this stuff up to find out how parents feel about things like this but obviously people would rather call each other stupid than be helpful to others by stating their views without arguing.sorry if this doesnt make sense,its just how i see it.BTW TEENS HAVE FEELINGS,i would know im 16,and from what i can tell i think most of you look at all of us the same,like i said....waste of my time.i try my best to see both sides of a story and be unbiased but really if you think about it your teen years arent long......you could always wait and see what happens,go ahead try and experiment when you can be tried as an adult(im kidding thatd be slow).but either way take responsibility for it.

Kids know way too much these days. This 15 year old boy wanted my daughter to have oral sex and anal sex with him. She didn't want to seem like a baby so she tried oral and almost. Puked. He made her do the other to the point of pain and blood. Who knows this stuff at 13? He said it would be ok and fast. Liar and ruined of life. Any chance at frying his ass?

Everyone who has posted here (on both sides of the issue) is somewhat right, but there needs to be a happy medium. Some teens just might be ready for sex. It is their parents who are not ready to accept it. I wouldn't encourage it for my teens, but that would be more because I'd like to avoid their getting hurt emotionally. The possibility of confusing one's partner's sexual attraction with genuine love is the real danger here. I would like to see much greater emphasis placed on the responsibility toward each other to establish some sort of meaningful emotional relationship as a basis on which to build prior to embarking on a physical relationship. Casual sex is fraught with ugly complications. Providing that perspective would go a long way toward encouraging accountable behavior of one human being toward another. What teens see of relationships on TV and in movies has to be edited for time. A real relationship requires more time and patience than it does to watch an episode of "Jersey Shore". We parents owe it to teens to help them better appreciate that.

As for smoking, drinking and doing drugs, I know that teens often will feel compelled to experiment. I get it. As obvious as it sounds, though, smoking pot at any age is, for the time being, illegal. Drinking underage is illegal. Smoking underage is illegal. If it's illegal, DON'T DO IT. Easier said than done, huh? Certainly. But our kids can't really think it reasonable for us to condone their breaking the law, can they?

All of these behaviors are pleasure-seeking in nature. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. It's just that teens don't always remain mindful of the pitfalls or the repercussions that come with the package. At that stage, they don't always think long-term because the decision-making portions of their brains will not be developed fully until they are in their very early 20s, so we parents have to be available. And we have to love them enough to say "no", even when it's unpopular to do so. I don't mean we should micromanage. There is an art to letting go.

I don't mean to imply that I'm any expert. I am not. Just ask my two teens. But I do think we parents need to be around to avert disaster when limits start to get pushed too far. For example, what teen wants to try to apply to colleges with underage illicit activity on record?

As I write this, I know I am the least popular person in this house. I am strict, but I know that it will pay off. I believe firmly in the "planting of seeds" with children. They may not officially agree with me on values, but each time I plant one of those "seeds", I stake my claim to that values part of their growing brains.

In the end, I must accept that my control over their actions and decisions will -- and should -- decrease with time. I can only hope that I've laid a good enough foundation for them to be truly good people.

I don't know but most troubled kids are found in Western countries. It's either they've been lacking attention or they're over protected that's what they became rebel from their own parents.

--
Hair updos for weddings

I have never heard of any adult that said "We decided to have a meaningful and exclusive long term relationship." "Now we are going to lose the condoms and rely solely upon oral contraceptives; Fully knowing/accepting the risk of accidental pregnancy, which we are prepared to take on that responsibility if it should occur".

If anyone out there actually knows of someone whom has done this, then they should reply to this message because if we expect our "careless teens" to act in this manner then we are just plain kidding ourselves. I have a teen whom is very responsible however, she has removed the condom as she felt trust for her partner who claims to have been her first as well as he is equally hers. She takes oral contraceptives although she understands the risk of accidental pregnancy.

I have to help her become aware of her choices at this point in life however, she is not me and has her own agenda. I might choose to refrain from premarital sex due to religion and she may disagree with that choice. When do we have the right to decide for our young adults what is best for them & when do we stop making our children(s) decisions for them? When should the young adults of this world begin to decide for themselves what is best for them? I think this is the real question here.

I suppose I could let my daughter know that the consequences for getting pregnant at this age would be to assume total responsibility for those actions by "supporting herself" in which case that she may become pregnant. I know for sure that this could lead to complete failure or cause irreparable damage to the mother-daughter relationship and this is not worth the risk of those consequences to me personally.

My duty is to try to raise my children using all possible resources, patience, love understanding, authority and compromise. Of course those are not in priority order and many other aspects would apply however, I could potentially make a difference by showing that I understand and making compromises. Consequences are truly a factor of every decision made and consistency is imperative. I can only hope for the best. We should lead by example not place blame & shame upon one for making bad decisions, only remind them of the consequences while reiterating that those are solely their responsibility as a result of their own choices.

Thank you...

I have never heard of any person ever saying; "we finally decided to commit to a long term relationship." "Now we have decided to finally lose the condom and solely rely upon oral contraception- knowing the risk of potential, accidental pregnancy." What responsible adult has done this and why do we think that teens can be prepared for this level of maturity if we can't do it as adults?

Truth is; we do not know what is a proper age for our men and women to engage in sexual activity. What is even an approximate age to fall in love? When does a parent let go? Who has those answers?

I have a religious view on this but my teen (16) has her own ideas. I have rules but I do not want to lose my teen by not respecting her wishes and feelings, after all she is a person with her own ideas. My teen is responsible and mostly tells me everything however, feels at times like she should lie to get what she really wants.

Truth is; she will do what she want's regardless of my rules, there has to be a compromise...

Signed: Concerned for our children

I love how it appears that only teenagers seem to have anything to say about this sales pitch. One day, you will grow up and have children yourselves and you will be put in the position to want and NEED to protect them. When they spit in your face and defy you at every turn, remember your words posted here.
Teenagers should not be having sex! They should not be deliberately disobeying everything their parents tell them! Yes, they should be allowed to learn from their experiences but, as parents, a line must be drawn for them. The biggest problem with society today is that parents do not bother to show their children how to take ANY responsibility for their actions. Everything is someone else's fault. The parents lead by poor examples, that is why we have so many screwed up young people in this world! It is easier to raise a respectful and decent child than to fix a broken adult.

Sweet god, you people are stupid! Referring to the first comment, when touting yourself as intelligent, avoid blatant misspellings! While I agree with most of your points, please be silent and let other, actually intelligent people do the talking.

I mean, honestly.... I can guarantee you right now, unless your child is asian or just a complete social outcast, they're going to get involved sexually with another, or drink booze, or smoke weed (OH TEH NOES)

Mature and responsible teens don't "not have sex."
The only people not having sex are those who can't get any.
Mature and responsible teens use contraceptives, and pull out in time.

As one of the most mature 19 year olds in georgia, I'm here to assure you that your kid is gonna do what ever the fuck they want.
-If he/she wants to fuck, they're gonna fuck. Why? Cause it's fucking awesome.
-If he/she wants to drink, they're gonna. Why? Again simply because it's FUN. Fuck peer pressure. I started drinking when I was 18, just because I thought beer smelled good.
-If he/she wants to blaze mad doobies, they're going to. Marijuana should be the absolute last thing parents worry about. Marijuana is illegal, yes, but so it drinking and smoking cigs and a shit ton of teens younger than 18 drink/smoke. drinking and cigs are much worse than marijuana, especially since cannabinoids literally stop the growth of lung cancer cells. Marijuana does cause brain damage. about as much brain damage that is caused on your ride to work everyday. It's irrelevant. too many people get sucked into the stoner culture. They sound retarded, because... well... that's how stoners are supposed to talk right? I blazer all day, errday, and I am probably the most intelligent person I know, and out of all of my close friends for sure.

Biggest problem in America today? Weed is illegal. Just from a society stand point, everyone would quit arguing all the time, people might actually learn things about themselves, people would come together, friendships would be made, wars would end... And then there's the economic benefits. It's been proven in cali time and time again. A MM dispensary opens up, and in the following months the local economies BOOM. Imagine that, if you will, but all over the country. can anyone say bye bye depression?

Parents think they know what's best for teens. Well... Fuck you. Teens know whats best for teens. If we're wrong, we'll learn our lesson won't we? I can't believe that some parents are so hung up on making sure their kid is staying out of trouble that they don't know their kids at all.

MY PARENTS are guilty of this. They don't know me. I'm an awesome young adult, but they're so worried about making sure I stay out of trouble, that I have to lie to them in order to live the way I want. If I wasn't living the way I live now, I would be depressed and lonely and addicted to MMORPGs like World of Warcraft. I'd be a bum, I'd get fat, get kidney stones, and eventually my body would be stuck a gamer's body.

Starting with marijuana. What better way to get exercise than to smoke and ride a bike or skate? Or... Have sex.... Cause that's a damn good work out.
Alcohol.... Without alcohol I would NOT be the person I am today. Alcohol taught me how to be sociable, and how to talk to random strangers. I doubt I'd be with my girlfriend right now if I hadn't been an alcoholic for a few months...
sex just makes me feel close to my love, and the fact that my parents are such prudes makes me sad. I would think two married people would understand love. but apparently not.

I guess in conclusion I'd just like to say that parents who try to control their kids should lose their kids, and be put in jail. Controlling kids should be illegal. It's fucked up, wrong, and the reason you do it is based on some fucked up morals left over from your time. Well, this is NOT your time. This is OUR time. Step down parents, you are only here to guide, not to control. We will be in charge of everything one day, you want to make sure we know what we're getting into.

Troubled teens are mostly found involved in drug alcohol addiction and sexual abuse. Sexually active teenagers suffer from various physical, emotional and psychological problems. Many sexually transmitted diseases pass through unsafe sex. Such teenagers become out of control of family. Many therapeutic treatment centers recommend transformational programs for sexually disordered adolescents to upgrade their life.

U.S. lacks in nuanced views. Spirit of the law is more important than the letter, but the first problem is our law is based on ruling by fear, largely towards a population 'conditioned by corporate interests as advertised, a corrupt church and political hierarchy. If instead youth were educated in how to be most responsible in their autonomy, how to do no harm to others and take responsibility for the risks they take, how much less would we need police and jails to enforce law? "Respect" for an authority figure amounts to fear. Respect for a peer amounts to real trust. Any system based on coercive ruling is doomed to ultimately cause more harm than good. An adult should be a respected teacher, but respect is EARNED not given for granted to anyone of some age or a certain uniform or office. I look around and see so few examples of earned responsibility, it seems almost desolate. But when I look at the people who have grown up as their own teacher and leader with their teachers and parents as people of equal respect but experience to teach, they are more self governing and more benevolent in their conduct to other people.

Im 15 years old and i'm proud to announce that im bisexual.
The girl im seeing is 21, but since were both females it shouldnt have the same law as a male and female should have. There are no chances of being pregnant, and it's safe. i love this girl with all my heart she is my world. IT SHOULD BE OKAY

I believe that teenagers should know when they are ready or not to have sex, the parent of the child is not the teen, they do not know truly how the teenager feels and how their body is changing. I believe all that the parent can do is teach the child how to prevent pregancies and diseases, how to be safe, and to teach the child to have sex only when they feel ready, not because they are being pressured by other kids at school or by their boyfriend or girlfriend.

teens should be able to make their own decisions not their decisions made for them...