Everyone who has posted here (on both sides of the issue) is somewhat right, but there needs to be a happy medium. Some teens just might be ready for sex. It is their parents who are not ready to accept it. I wouldn't encourage it for my teens, but that would be more because I'd like to avoid their getting hurt emotionally. The possibility of confusing one's partner's sexual attraction with genuine love is the real danger here. I would like to see much greater emphasis placed on the responsibility toward each other to establish some sort of meaningful emotional relationship as a basis on which to build prior to embarking on a physical relationship. Casual sex is fraught with ugly complications. Providing that perspective would go a long way toward encouraging accountable behavior of one human being toward another. What teens see of relationships on TV and in movies has to be edited for time. A real relationship requires more time and patience than it does to watch an episode of "Jersey Shore". We parents owe it to teens to help them better appreciate that.

As for smoking, drinking and doing drugs, I know that teens often will feel compelled to experiment. I get it. As obvious as it sounds, though, smoking pot at any age is, for the time being, illegal. Drinking underage is illegal. Smoking underage is illegal. If it's illegal, DON'T DO IT. Easier said than done, huh? Certainly. But our kids can't really think it reasonable for us to condone their breaking the law, can they?

All of these behaviors are pleasure-seeking in nature. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. It's just that teens don't always remain mindful of the pitfalls or the repercussions that come with the package. At that stage, they don't always think long-term because the decision-making portions of their brains will not be developed fully until they are in their very early 20s, so we parents have to be available. And we have to love them enough to say "no", even when it's unpopular to do so. I don't mean we should micromanage. There is an art to letting go.

I don't mean to imply that I'm any expert. I am not. Just ask my two teens. But I do think we parents need to be around to avert disaster when limits start to get pushed too far. For example, what teen wants to try to apply to colleges with underage illicit activity on record?

As I write this, I know I am the least popular person in this house. I am strict, but I know that it will pay off. I believe firmly in the "planting of seeds" with children. They may not officially agree with me on values, but each time I plant one of those "seeds", I stake my claim to that values part of their growing brains.

In the end, I must accept that my control over their actions and decisions will -- and should -- decrease with time. I can only hope that I've laid a good enough foundation for them to be truly good people.