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Parents of a 16 year old girl don't want her to date a 19 year old boy
Washington
We are the parents of a 16 year old girl that wants to date a 19 year old boy. We don't want them to date and we just found out that they have been sneaking around and lying to us for the last 6 months, dating anyway. We have told them that they cannot see each other anymore and our 16 year old has been grounded. Do we have the right to keep them apart, or does state law say they can choose because she is 16. Can we file charges against him if they keep trying to date?
In the State of Washington under most circumstances, it would NOT be a criminal sexual offense for a 19 year old to be engaged in a sexual relationship with a 16 year old minor (unless this is a State employee in the educational or correctional system.) The legal age of consent in Washington is 16.
That said, this does not mean the 19 year old could not be held legally accountable for other activities and influences over the 16 year old minor. The parents have full legal authority over the minor's activities; the 19 year old (as a legal adult) has NO legal rights to override the authority of the parents.
As parents of the 16 year old, you are legally responsible for the care, welfare and control of your minor child until she reaches the age of 18. If the 19 year old puts your minor child "at risk" there are other legal actions that may be initiated to prevent contact even if the minor resists or does not cooperate.
What does "At Risk" mean? Generally speaking, if the 19 year old is contributing to the 16 year old's delinquency by encouraging destructive or unlawful behavior such as, truancy, running away, alcohol use, cigarettes, drug use, sexual exploitation, prostitution, etc... any of this, it should be reported to police and if the behavior continues, there may be sufficient grounds to request a restraining or protective order against the 19 year old, which would make it "illegal" for him to have contact with her. Generally, violation of a court order means jail time.
These are things that are under the control of local law enforcement and often subject to available city/county resources rather than state resources. You would need to contact your local district attorney or police to understand what actions can be taken immediately to prevent escalation or further risk to the minor. It may be wise to seek legal representation in the matter.
Submitted by rayne (not verified) on Sat, 04/09/2011 - 13:00.
this is what I don't get because the parents didn't give the reasoning for them wanting to take legal actions against this young man for that is what he is considered as I am also considered this at age 20 I find it frustrating when parents become over controlling if he is opening a window for your daughter to drugs, alcohol, and/or having sex with her I can understand but if he just wants a relationship with her in a deeper setting I see no wrong and I would have to say your are just being very harsh on your daughter and you need to back up and give her more freedom. odds are she will do stuff without your consent either way I have seen it time and again unless you want her running away from you give her more freedom, don't fight the dude in fact even if you may not like the guy you can at least give him a chance and see who he is before accusing and making in adequate judgment of character. look at it this way if he makes your daughter happy and he isn't aiding your daughter in anything illegal you have issues. this is just advice nothing more I am not a college degree expert on this but I am an expert in life in this issue because 30% of my friends that are girls have done so if not more you are going to have a hard pressed choice either way good luck with your decision.
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 04/27/2011 - 08:35.
my parents are the same way im engaged at 17 and my fiancee is 19 me and my parents fight all the time over him but you know what true love always wins dont care what people say to you if you believe in it do it
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sat, 03/26/2011 - 20:21.
Hi there im 20 and live in Lincoln NE and im dateing a wonderfull girl, only one problem her parents hate me and she is 17 turing 18 in one month thank god, but her parents put a harrassment order on me so i cant contact her in any way but when shes 18 she want to leave and live with me again. in NE you have to be 19 to be considered an adult, but i have heard that if u graduated and have a job and a place to live wich she has all three, and also is 18 that she will be on one month that you can leagally just walk out and live where ever you want. If this is true or any advice at all on how i can get my girl back and to live with me once again would be great please and thank you.
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 20:20.
Is it illegal for us to date (not sexually active) when I'm 20 and she's 15? Does her mom have grounds to call the cops on me for us just hanging out (usually at the public library)? What about for when she turns 16? She turns 16 a few months before I'm 21 so we're less then 60months apart. We both live in Washington state. And will we be able to legally be sexually active once she is 16 and that is the age of consent and we are within that 60month limit? And as for being an influence, Since I have met her I have got her to stop running away, to stop skipping school, and stop self harm, so I'd say I'm a good influence on her. All I want to know is if what we are doing is legal or if her mom can press charges against me for something.
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sat, 12/11/2010 - 18:11.
I've know him for a year. I've always had a crush on him but had never told anyone. Yesterday night, my youth group, including him, went to a christian heavy metal rock band. My friend was standing on one side of me and he on the other side. My friend asked if we were dating and i told her i wanted to. we walked up to the stage to get a closer view. My friend came up to us a put my hand in his. When she left, neither of us drew our hand apart. When she came back, she told him how i felt about him and he asked me out. i said yes. The rest of the night, i was either in his arms or holding his hand. Only my brother at home knows who he is. when i got home, i was so happy, i told my mom. She said it wasn't aloud and she was going to call the youth group so that they would keep an eye on us. When she asked me what his name was, i wouldn't tell her. she said she was going to ask my brother. I begged him not to, and he agreed. I so regret telling my mom. i thought she would've been happy i found someone. I have never felt this way about any guy. I don't know what else to do. I just hope i can keep seeing him.
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 11/01/2010 - 10:11.
im 3 years and 10 months older then my girlfriend. her parents dont want us to be together after they already said we could be together. then another kid told cops i was dating her and had sex with her and said our age difference. the cop talked to my girlfriend and asked if we were dating she said yes then asked how long and she said 3 and a half months. he asked if we had sex and she said a few times at a freinds house and my house. but i never broke any rules. they said we could date. before i was dating her the highest grade in school she had was a D. worst was F. since ive been dating her the grade have went up from that to the highest grade she has is an A and worst is only one F rather then 3 or 4 F's. she has 2 A's i believe 1 B and C 1 D and 1 F but the F will be up this week to at least a D. ive had a positive influence on her life as she has had mine. ive never been in trouble with the law and very well liked in the community. i only have a speeding ticket so thats not major cause it wasnt wreckless driving. i did nothing but help as much as i could with her family. they couldnt afford school cloths for her so she only had to pair of pants to wear in and out of school she was having to wear some of her moms pants. i went out and bought her 3 pairs of pants and i jaket to keep warm. when i ate there i gave them money for the meal. i helped them get her brothers to practice or boys and girls club. this kid that told the cops what he said ruined everything. i really do love my girlfriend and sex isnt what i want. i told her in the beggining that i would wait until she was 18 if i had to cause not having sex for over 2 years isnt going to ruin a lifetime of happiness. is there anything i can do at this piont of her being 15 and me 19 which is 3 years 10 months apart 46 months? what can i do when she turns 16? if her parents say i cant see her when shes 16 can i get in trouble for seeing her even tho i wont be getting her into illegal activities and im not over 60 months older then her?
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sat, 12/11/2010 - 17:57.
Love is a powerful thing. If you love her, and she loves you, are you going to let anyone stop you from seeing her? I'm 13 almost 14 and my boyfriend just turned 16 and my mom doesn't like it but i love him so much and he loves me so no matter what, i won't let her stop me.
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sat, 10/09/2010 - 00:06.
Im 15 and my boyfriend is 18 and my parents have a restraning order aganist him with out me wanting it but we both have broke it anyway. Hes not after me for sex, we both really love eachother alot and i know people say im only 15 and i don't know what real love is but their wrong. Is there anyway to get my parents to remove the restraning order and learn to accept me being with him. With all this going on its cauesing me and my parents to fight. Please i need advice i really love my parenst and i really love him. In the state of Kentucky
Submitted by Anonymous on Thu, 08/19/2010 - 21:07.
im the parents of a 14 year old that has a boyfriend thats 23 years old we did not know ,happens that my daughter is pregnent and she all ready had her baby and her borfriend helps her and his is really helpfull.But she wants to move in with him and he lives in california and he says that if she wants to go with him that he is going to be responsible.Can she go and live with him and the baby or is there a law that says that she cant do that.answer soon
Submitted by sir mike (not verified) on Wed, 04/14/2010 - 22:25.
im 18 and my girlfriends is 17 and her parents are trying to put a restraining order on me. we have been dating for a year and a half and i was 17 wen i started dating her and she was 16 but we got in a minor car accident and they punished her and took her phone and saw some dirty text messeges, from then on they told me to stay away from her! i havent done nothing wrong with her and havent forced her to have sex or anythig! i love this girl to death and dnt plan on leaving her! i need to know if they can put a restraining order on me??
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 03/15/2010 - 17:06.
Im 19 years old for the past year ive dated my gf which has turned out to be a great relationship to the point where i moved in with her, her parents loved me at the start. Im a great guy i treat her fair i didnt force anything upon her she asked an i gave in other words, ive had previous relations you can say ive always been ahead of my time. basicaly some months back i got into a little argument with her dad. turns out he hates me?? and now doesnt want me to date her anymore,her mother has taken the same course of action towards me. theres more to the story...
"mother an father are not together yet they live together in what you can say an abusive relationship" ive tried to show her mother the laws so she wouldnt have to live in that horrible place. i moved in with my girl simply because i didnt want her to have such a chaotic enviroment, have atleast a positive figure. My parents love this girl an are aware of the issues going on. they have talked to her mother motiple times even offered her our home yet she refused. its gotten to the point were the abuser convice the abused she needs him.
Off the story now she doesnt want me to be with her an ive have had to sneak around for 3 months she was cought her,now want to have me arrested. her parents seem to be fine with me an knew i was having a sexual relationship with her their daughter i had a job i payd our cellphones bought her anything she needed i provided for her. If they where to have me arrested would i be abiel to press charges? knowing they knew i had sexual relationship with her an they were ok with it ? Please i need legal help I know im young an maybe now it doesnt seem like much but this girl means everything to me.
she gotten to the point that she is clinicly depressed from the constant arguments of her parents an violence in that house. I want to get her out of this enviroment yet she doesnt want her parents to get arrested or jail time for dad. i dont know what to do anymore im loosing my head an its killing me inside i dont want to turn away from her an wait to shes 18.
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 10/18/2010 - 06:54.
wow i'm going through something almost like that my mom was liking the boy i was talking to she knew i was talking to him at the beginning she wasnt doubting our relationships none he took me out he buy me things he makes me feel safe he comforts me but than my mama started changing after she seen a text in my phone my bf ask me if he could have a cell phone of mine still than my mama snitch the phone out my hand an texted back no than my bf said its like that after i done gave you the d**k than thats when my mama started not trust me she dont want me talking to the boy she says that boy is to old to be talkin to you he can go to jail i can put him in jail , i was scared idk what else to do to keep him or to let my mama like him again i really really love him he really really loves me our relationship is deeply we are feeling eachother so much i dont know what ill do if lose him he was thinking about getting me pregnant but idk cause im scared he going to most likly go to jail . we sneaks around on the phone when mom isn't around me . i talk to him everynite everyday on the low what should i do please help???:(
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 02/16/2010 - 08:16.
I live in Wisconsin and my girl friend is 15 and i am 19 female, we have never had any form of sexual contact, and we have been dating for almost a year and now her mom is trying to put me in jail, saying we have is this even possible? i have never even thought about having sex with her we are waiting? what can be done about this? and also could i file harassment on her mom for this? im just wondering because like her mom was perfectly fine with it and now her mom has a problem with it what can be done about this?
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 12/14/2009 - 16:46.
me and my girlfriend havent been dating all that long a few weeks. her moms cool with us and so is the rest of her famliy but people that know us seem to have a problem. but what we've been doing is'nt illeagle in the state of Kansas the law says no more then three years until you turn 18. my question is does any one have the right to call the cops and almost get me sent to jail if we've done nothing wrong by any standerds
Submitted by soup (not verified) on Mon, 11/09/2009 - 15:04.
im 17 and my girlfriend is 16..she was grounded and we furtively hung out..they found out and say they will try to get a restraining order on me..they know we had sex too...can they legally get a restraining order on me even if she disagrees to it or no harm is actually being done but the parents dont want us together?
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 09/29/2009 - 20:30.
I am a 19 yr old boy and i have been dating a girl who is now 16 for three years, we have came to be very close and have had sex which is legal in colorado, but her mom is now keeping us apart because she does not like me. Yes is is wrong to look for a girl this age with only sexually intent, but when you wait for three years doing the bare minimum, it is ok to me. i love this girl, she loves me just the same and her mother putting us through this is totally unfair. I dont know if her mom can put a restraining order on me to where i have to stay away from my girl. and i hope not cuz it will ruin a good part of both of our lives, but in turn she wont talk to her mother after she is 18. this tends to push daughters away fronm their mothers to do something so dramatic. i love this girl, if anyone is intelligent about this kind of law please reply - (Edited email me. ************@hotmail.com, and this is taking place in colorado. thank you so much. i guess it depends on how long they are dating, but my girls father is ok with us, they are devorced
Submitted by 3freester (not verified) on Sun, 02/15/2009 - 12:07.
These are things that are under the control of local law enforcement and often subject to available city/county resources rather than state resources. You would need to contact your local district attorney or police to understand what actions can be taken immediately to prevent escalation or further risk to the minor. It may be wise to seek legal representation in the matter.
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 02/05/2009 - 14:25.
im 16 and my boyfriend is 20. he will be 21 next month and ill be 17 in 3 months. we have been together for a year and he wouldnt have sex with me until i was 16. and we wont have sex when he is 21 until i am 17. my parents dont know about it, so i guess there is no point in stopping, but rather safe than sorry. my parents always threaten to call the cops on him. i.e. when im texting him rather than cleaning my house. they cant do shit though. i love him and your an awful parent for getting a restraining order on your kids boyfriend. watch her just rebel more and grow to hate you
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 12/17/2008 - 19:18.
Miss, did you know if they were sexually active? If not then I see no reason for you to do that. It should be obvious by now that when you take something away (by force) without talking it over with said persons reasonably, that they're going to fight back and you're only making the problem worse.
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 06/13/2008 - 10:49.
I feel for you because I am in the same situation - only my daughter is 15 and the boy is 18. I want to encourage you to petition the court for a restraining order against this boy from your daughter. I did and the judge granted the restraining order stating that he is to stay 50 feet away from my daughter on school campus (because he attends the same school) and 200 feet away from our home. This low down dirty punk did violate the order the day after and now I am seeking advice on getting him arrested. I wish you and your family the best.
Submitted by Joe (not verified) on Sat, 07/19/2008 - 07:00.
you sound narrow minded... are you southern, or have you just never read shakespear? Surely you have heard of couples reaching their 50th aniversery and been 4 or more years apart in age. Low down dirty punk, huh? Does name calling make you feel better than the 18 year old child? when did being 18 make you an adult? i dont remember adulthood happening over night. if i remember right it was God who said judge not lest thee be judged. ( or something like that, im no good at direct quotes) tell me what you think because i am confused too, im only 19 and i have girl troubles, she is 15... i dont want to get in trouble because i like someone who is younger than me, and i dont want to hurt myself or her... my parents are 5 years apart and they raised me with all the feirce love in their hearts ( pardon any mispelled words) Im just unsure about hating someone because they think they have a chance at love. Maybe your issues are different and your judgements justified... i guess im just venting. I dont know your cercumstances, but i dont think that law should be blind to odd happenings and treat them all as juevinile foolishness worthy of punishment. Tell me if im wrong, i just want to know what you think so at least one of us might be helped... maybe one of us can open the others closed mind,
thanx,
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sat, 12/11/2010 - 18:26.
Joe, i think your totally right about this. why is it wrong for kids to have a relationship when there like, 3 years apart or 4 years apart but adults go and marry people 10 years younger or older? Just think about when you were a teenager. was there someone you loved, and they were 4 years apart? or 3? Think about your daughters feelings.
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 07/30/2008 - 13:02.
Shakespeare?! Good literature, perhaps, but certainly not a guide for law, modern ethics, contemporary social customs, etc. If you're 19 and she's 15, sex (if that's being considered) WILL be a crime, because she hasn't reached the age that the state believes is sufficient for her to give consent (meaning that she may not fully understand the ramifications of giving consent, which -- judging by your attitude -- I doubt you do even at your age). If you *love* her, and she *loves* you, then what's the hurry? You should be able to wait until you're both adults. Haste comes from hormones, not love.
this is what I don't get because the parents didn't give the reasoning for them wanting to take legal actions against this young man for that is what he is considered as I am also considered this at age 20 I find it frustrating when parents become over controlling if he is opening a window for your daughter to drugs, alcohol, and/or having sex with her I can understand but if he just wants a relationship with her in a deeper setting I see no wrong and I would have to say your are just being very harsh on your daughter and you need to back up and give her more freedom. odds are she will do stuff without your consent either way I have seen it time and again unless you want her running away from you give her more freedom, don't fight the dude in fact even if you may not like the guy you can at least give him a chance and see who he is before accusing and making in adequate judgment of character. look at it this way if he makes your daughter happy and he isn't aiding your daughter in anything illegal you have issues. this is just advice nothing more I am not a college degree expert on this but I am an expert in life in this issue because 30% of my friends that are girls have done so if not more you are going to have a hard pressed choice either way good luck with your decision.