Parents of a 16 year old girl don't want her to date a 19 year old boy


We are the parents of a 16 year old girl that wants to date a 19 year old boy. We don't want them to date and we just found out that they have been sneaking around and lying to us for the last 6 months, dating anyway. We have told them that they cannot see each other anymore and our 16 year old has been grounded. Do we have the right to keep them apart, or does state law say they can choose because she is 16. Can we file charges against him if they keep trying to date?

In the State of Washington under most circumstances, it would NOT be a criminal sexual offense for a 19 year old to be engaged in a sexual relationship with a 16 year old minor (unless this is a State employee in the educational or correctional system.) The legal age of consent in Washington is 16.

That said, this does not mean the 19 year old could not be held legally accountable for other activities and influences over the 16 year old minor. The parents have full legal authority over the minor's activities; the 19 year old (as a legal adult) has NO legal rights to override the authority of the parents.

As parents of the 16 year old, you are legally responsible for the care, welfare and control of your minor child until she reaches the age of 18. If the 19 year old puts your minor child "at risk" there are other legal actions that may be initiated to prevent contact even if the minor resists or does not cooperate.

What does "At Risk" mean? Generally speaking, if the 19 year old is contributing to the 16 year old's delinquency by encouraging destructive or unlawful behavior such as, truancy, running away, alcohol use, cigarettes, drug use, sexual exploitation, prostitution, etc... any of this, it should be reported to police and if the behavior continues, there may be sufficient grounds to request a restraining or protective order against the 19 year old, which would make it "illegal" for him to have contact with her. Generally, violation of a court order means jail time.

These are things that are under the control of local law enforcement and often subject to available city/county resources rather than state resources. You would need to contact your local district attorney or police to understand what actions can be taken immediately to prevent escalation or further risk to the minor. It may be wise to seek legal representation in the matter.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 08/06/2012 - 00:36.

im 19 and my gf is 16 ive been dating her for 5 months now her dad likes me but her mom hates me well recently she wont let us hang out and is always grounding her she is thinking about running away and living with me my mom my sister who is 16 and is friends with her and my 2 brothers she would be sleeping in my sister room with her untill she is of age to legally move out with me she would have a roof over her head go to school everyday and have food and cloths i live in ny and ive been trying to figure out laws on this subject but cannot ive been told by many people that as long as shes not in any danger her parents cant do anything i just want to know the real result cause i dont want my mom to get in trouble for letting her come stay with us please respond asap

Submitted by N e 1 (not verified) on Sun, 04/15/2012 - 19:47.

Im 21 & my love is 14 (7yr difference) we really love each other very much & we click plus shes very mature. Her mother said we could be friends. But she found out we liked each other & said we couldnt see each other till shes 18. I promised there would be no sex until that age but she still said no. the Age of consent in SC (South Carolina) is 16. Could we get in any legal trouble with the cops or court if we just dated no sex
when she reaches that age 16 the AOC??? Please reply

Submitted by anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 03/02/2012 - 22:41.

I've been dating this guy, he's 19 and i'm 15 we both live in Arizona and we go to the same school. A couple of days ago my parents found out we've been dating for 4 months and they were furious. Him and i engaged a sexual relationship. but now my parents put a restraining order against him and i'm pregnant with his baby. What happens to the restraining order now ?

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 03/02/2012 - 17:36.

im 17 years old and im dating a 13 year old. her mother has said we couldnt talk anymore. can she legally call the cops if we still talk even if im in a diff state? there has been no talk about sex or anything of the sort.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 02/19/2012 - 10:13.

Hi, I'm 15, I'll be 16 this April on the 9th. I live in the state of New York. I am unfamiliar with the dating laws, so I've decided to ask for help on here. I like this 18 year old boy, and he likes me back. My uncle doesn't want me to date him, he wants us to be strictly friends. My uncle is thinking only the worse of what an 18 year old boy could be thinking of about me, like sexually and what not, like the whole alone in his car at "lovers lane" whatever the hell that means, i personally don't think they have those around here anymore but anyways. My uncles main defense was that since he is 18, or as he stated, a legal adult, if he kissed or touched me the wrong way, he could be arrested. I would like to use this statement as a loophole. I was told by some friends that a 16 year old and an 18 year old can date, but id like to clarify. If this is true, then my uncle would have to give in because this is the main issue that he was pressing. I'm very determined to beat him at his own game, and considering I'm planning to be a lawyer when i get older, i will not let this one drop. Please give your answers as soon as you can. thank you for your help

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sat, 04/21/2012 - 18:30.

The age of consent in New York is 17, so you cannot legally date an 18 year old.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 03/12/2012 - 16:19.

if he is 3yrs older the law can't stick their nose near it if he is 4yrs older then that's another story.. my uncle is a bounty hunter. (cop that hunts down most wanted)

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 02/01/2012 - 22:29.

so im an 18 year old boy that really likes this freshmen girl at my high school that happens to be 14 we arent dating although we really want to neither of us know if me/us will get in trouble for doing so. Her parents have met me before and they like me. so what i really want to know is if we could get in trouble for just dating and not being in a sexual relationship which is not what im looking for with her i really like her and wait as long as she wanted to and wouldnt rush her in anyway. what would happen please help me...

Submitted by JaZink (not verified) on Mon, 01/30/2012 - 23:05.

So I'm turning 16 next month and within 26 days the guy that has been waiting to go out with me forever is turning 19. My mom says that she is ok with us going out when I turn 16 as long as nothing is illegal
What are the laws in Washington for a 16 year old dating a 19 year old? I don't want him to go jail for anything we do so I want to know what the law says about it.
Is it illegal for us to kiss or have sex or are we allowed to pretty much be as close to each other as we want as long as it's okay with our parents?
Please answer soon, thank you

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 01/29/2012 - 20:31.

Okay, i'm a 15 year old girl & my boyfriend just turned 18. My parents hated him for quite a while but they finally saw he actually does me good & decided to let us date. We've been together since august of 2010. He respects my parents rules & actually ended up good friends with my dad. Maybe this kids forreal.. give him a chance. My boyfriend even has tattoos & drives a little flashy truck nearly three inches from the ground. Not exactly who youd want your daughter to date. Hes a great guy & loves me alot. I know you probably think im too young to understand.. but it should be worth a shot if he really makes your daughter happy.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 01/15/2012 - 20:12.

me and my girlfriend have ben going out for one year now she is 16 and im 19 we are 3 years and 6 days apart in age what is the law for me going out with her when her mom is ok with it but dad is not they dont no we are going out YET but hope be soon we just worry cuz we dont want her dad to stop us from being able to spend time together so please someone tell me what the law is i love her so much and i no she loves me and we want to tell her mom and dad but dont want to loose one another so someone please help us

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:05.

Love is love, and to me age is nothing but a number. No parent can stop two people from feeling the way they do about eachother. Being a teenage girl, I know, stopping your child from being with someone they want to be with will only make them resent you and rebel, would you have not married their other parent because your parents did not approve? Some age differences, i admit, are a bit much, but really? If your 15 year old is dating a 19 year old, get over it, 4 years is nothing considering a lot of teenagers are doing much worse nowadays. If they are willing to tell you these things and introduce you to them, how could you find them to be such a threat? Being so strict does not benefit you, it will only cause more problems, teenagers need room to breathe and express themselves, trying to pull two people apart, is only pulling you away from your child. Maybe some of these parents need to just relax. Try talking to your child instead of threatening with restraining orders, lawsuits, and jail time. How can you punish someone for being in love? Thats just cruel, iwould hate to have parents like that.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 05/04/2012 - 07:08.

Love is love. Order of Protection is to protect the 16 year old from being verbally and physically abused from the 19 year old boyfriend. Tried talking did not work. Have black and white documentation with the verbal abuse and physical abuse.

This is not love when you are made to fell insecure about yourself and constantly get talked down to this is very damaging for a 16 year old to hear from someone they believe loves them.

Think about it men/boys tell you they love you for sex, and girls/women have sex to hear I love you. Needs to change.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 04/25/2012 - 03:05.

You are obviously a child or a very immature adult. Children are in need of guidance from parents and tbe law. There are reasons that age appropriate behaviors are required in relationships. Your comments show a lack of understanding of emotional intelligence and responsibility of parenting.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:05.

Ok, when you 16 and your boyfriend is 19...3 years apart
When your 20, he'll be 23
When your 30, he'll be 33
When your 40, he'll be 43
Ok, I mean they are only three years apart!!! My parents are 5 years apart!!! It doesn't matter, just tell them to lay it low!!!

Submitted by mojtaba (not verified) on Tue, 11/22/2011 - 18:39.

im 20 years old and i want find good girld , 16-21 years old for friendship for ever or marrie and real love , if here add me
hitlerswarrior @

Submitted by living in nebraska (not verified) on Tue, 11/01/2011 - 03:38.

Im 23 and currently been dating a 17 yr old. we started dating when she was 16 and i was 22. we did nothing sexual til after she was 17. we live in nebraska, her mom hates me because i have a past but ive turned my life around... she feels as if im a bad influence on her daughter but since we have gotten together i have gotten her to stop lying to her family, i have got her more responsible and looking for a job... her mother is dying of cancer and has been for the last few years so she has jus not cared to be a parent at all... when i came into the picture my girlfriend was semi suicidal and was supposed to be on all these drugs to keep her sane, she no longer needs any of that... everyone has noticed how happy she is other tahn her mother, he mother is bound n determined to hurt her n everyway she can... is it techniqually illegal for us to be together with her being 17 and me at 23?! been trying to google it with no luck.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 09/06/2011 - 08:16.

My best friend is 16 year old and her boyfriend is 23, they have been together for about 4 months now, she fell in love with him, and he loves her more than anything. They never fight, they tell each other everything. They are truly happy together. Recently, her mom caught them dating, and threatened to throw him in jail. They have not had any sexual activity, because he wants to wait until she is of age, to show her parents he does respect their daughter and them. There are, however, a few revealing pictures of the girl sent to the guy. The boyfriend didn't ask for them, nor even acted as if he even got them. Do you think he can be charged an go to jail for statutory rape?

Submitted by Aerial (not verified) on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 16:05.

I'm a 16 yr old girl and my bf's 22. My parents know about us minus that we're actually dating, and even at that we aren't together together as he's in Colorado and I'm in Washington, online relationship. But enough said, I honestly don't see the big deal about dating someone older than you so long as that age difference does not exceed common sense, e.g., 16-24... I wouldn't date older than 24 at that age. But my boyfriend and I love eachother completely and truely. He's not a dirty-minded pervert and immature like guys my age and we honestly couldn't live without eachother, once again admitting we are not physically together, but with true love, distance is nothing. It's your heart and pure attraction to another being that counts, despite age.
Also, I'm not a naive-minded individual who will be ''taken advantage of''. Sorry, but I've got brains, unlike many, and have had a lot of experience so I can tell what a person's intentions are and how to avoid them if they are ill-willed. I know for a fact that I got a great, one of a kind guy who loves me and will always be there for me and I for him.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 11:58.

ok so im 21 and my 17 year old girlfriend is being mintaly and phisicly abussed by her parents and badly so, she has bean sexaly abussed by different ones a great number of times. these are some things i cannot talerate from a human being. she is adopted and thay are the only parents that she has ever know. but thay are literly crazy, problem is i cant prove any of this stuff only me and her best friend even know, and her best friend is 16,thay are very good at hiding what thay are doing, and she is sceared out of her mind. i have never seen a girl so sceared in all my life, and that is saying something. there has got to be something i can do, this is a very bad sitiouation. thay use our religion to keep her confussed, and she refusses to leave her parents, thow its very clear that thay dont realy love her, how can thay dair say thay do and then do these things to her, i cant possable put into words just how bad things are. im afrade for her. thay have ruind 4 other adopted kids as well, and played it off as if thay were just 4 bad eggs. thow i would have to agree on one, cuz he raped her. i realy cant exspress my disslike for people who do this kind of thing. somewere this has got to stop befor something realy realy bad hapons to her. but what can i do with no proff? and she wont confess! and if i get invollved it will only couse her to hate me. and will only make things worse on her. i wish that i could save her but i dont know what to do. and her parents are vingefull and would find away to have me putt away somehow, thow ive done nothing, thay will make something up, and convence the world that its true. ive never met more horable human beings then these people who call them selves her parents and Christians. sorry if ive miss spelled any thing im bad with spelling. i need ansers fast i wont be around, but for 5 more days befor im at bible collage.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 08/17/2011 - 13:27.

OK, so I live in Washington state. I have been friends with This guy for quite awhile. i am 16 and he is 23, if I had my fathers consent could we date? I am a virgin & i am not ready to have sex (which he knows), but what if I was ready and wanted to have sex with him, Could he do jail time?
The relationship we have is just about us being together not sex, but he is scared that if anything were to happen, that he would go to jail...

Submitted by rayne (not verified) on Sat, 04/09/2011 - 13:00.

this is what I don't get because the parents didn't give the reasoning for them wanting to take legal actions against this young man for that is what he is considered as I am also considered this at age 20 I find it frustrating when parents become over controlling if he is opening a window for your daughter to drugs, alcohol, and/or having sex with her I can understand but if he just wants a relationship with her in a deeper setting I see no wrong and I would have to say your are just being very harsh on your daughter and you need to back up and give her more freedom. odds are she will do stuff without your consent either way I have seen it time and again unless you want her running away from you give her more freedom, don't fight the dude in fact even if you may not like the guy you can at least give him a chance and see who he is before accusing and making in adequate judgment of character. look at it this way if he makes your daughter happy and he isn't aiding your daughter in anything illegal you have issues. this is just advice nothing more I am not a college degree expert on this but I am an expert in life in this issue because 30% of my friends that are girls have done so if not more you are going to have a hard pressed choice either way good luck with your decision.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sat, 08/13/2011 - 10:52.

yea my girlfriends parednts drove her to the point of running away and i helped her we got caught and i got charged with contributing to a minor and now her parents got a restraining order put on me till she is 18...hope they enjoy there daughter the next year and a half till she is 18...

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 04/27/2011 - 08:35.

my parents are the same way im engaged at 17 and my fiancee is 19 me and my parents fight all the time over him but you know what true love always wins dont care what people say to you if you believe in it do it

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sat, 03/26/2011 - 20:21.

Hi there im 20 and live in Lincoln NE and im dateing a wonderfull girl, only one problem her parents hate me and she is 17 turing 18 in one month thank god, but her parents put a harrassment order on me so i cant contact her in any way but when shes 18 she want to leave and live with me again. in NE you have to be 19 to be considered an adult, but i have heard that if u graduated and have a job and a place to live wich she has all three, and also is 18 that she will be on one month that you can leagally just walk out and live where ever you want. If this is true or any advice at all on how i can get my girl back and to live with me once again would be great please and thank you.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 12/04/2011 - 14:08.

Why would you want to break up her family and make her choose? Whether or not you think her parents are too harsh, those are her parents she will eventually hate you for coming in between them. If you truly love her... you would walk away.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 08/09/2012 - 14:17.

Way to be dramatic, you've watched too many romance/drama movies. If he truly loves her, he will find a way to make sure she gets everything she needs. To make decisions based on what's best for her, not on what he wants for himself. 'sides, he said she WANTS to leave and live with him, and then it's her decision, don't make it sound like she doesn't have a will of her own. And if you think about it, it's her parents that's making her choose, so it's really the other way around, keeping her from being with him will make her loathe her family.
But you could be one of her parents for all I know, and then of course you're gonna say walk away.

I personally think they both need to be patient and not rush things. Wait til she's older. It sucks, I know, but I think you'll be glad you did.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 20:20.

Is it illegal for us to date (not sexually active) when I'm 20 and she's 15? Does her mom have grounds to call the cops on me for us just hanging out (usually at the public library)? What about for when she turns 16? She turns 16 a few months before I'm 21 so we're less then 60months apart. We both live in Washington state. And will we be able to legally be sexually active once she is 16 and that is the age of consent and we are within that 60month limit? And as for being an influence, Since I have met her I have got her to stop running away, to stop skipping school, and stop self harm, so I'd say I'm a good influence on her. All I want to know is if what we are doing is legal or if her mom can press charges against me for something.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 10/31/2011 - 22:49.

Wowwww. Im in the same perdictament. Im 19 AND about to turn 20 in 1 month and she is 15 about to turn 16 in 3 months! We had had sex recently tho. And i been into it with her parents. Is this bad? Cause i have a bad consense!

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sat, 12/11/2010 - 18:35.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

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